---
title: "How to Find Roommates You Actually Want to Live With"
description: "Finding a flat abroad is hard. Finding the right flatmates is harder. Here's how to vet roommates before you sign a 12-month lease together."
canonical: https://www.socials.homes/guides/how-to-find-roommates
last-updated: 2026-04-18
author: Socials
reading-time: "3 min read"
---

# How to Find Roommates You Actually Want to Live With

Finding a flat abroad is hard. Finding the right flatmates is harder. Here's how to vet roommates before you sign a 12-month lease together.

**TL;DR:** Living with the wrong people turns a dream apartment into a nightmare. Ask about cleanliness, noise tolerance, guests, and money upfront. Trust your gut after meeting in person. And always, always have a written rules document.

Most housing problems aren't about the flat itself. They're about who you share it with. Here's how to do it right.

## Where to find flatmates

- **City Facebook groups:** search "[City] Housing [Year]" or "Internationals in [City]". These are full of internationals looking for the same thing you are.
- **Subreddit city groups:** r/Amsterdam, r/Berlin, r/Lisbon, etc. Most have pinned monthly housing threads.
- **Platform profiles:** HousingAnywhere, Spotahome, WG-Gesucht let you filter by roommate preferences.
- **Local expat and international communities** often maintain a housing board or run their own listing channels.
- **Word of mouth:** other internationals already in your future city, reach out via LinkedIn or Instagram.

## 10 questions to ask before moving in

Send these to anyone you're thinking of living with. Their answers tell you everything.

1. **What time do you usually wake up and go to bed?** Mismatched sleep schedules destroy flat harmony.
2. **How often do you clean, and what's your definition of clean?** One person's "tidy" is another's "disaster zone."
3. **Do you have partners or guests staying overnight often?** Frequency matters more than the fact.
4. **How do you feel about background noise, TV, music, phone calls?**
5. **Are you a plan-ahead person or a last-minute person for rent, bills, groceries?**
6. **Do you cook at home or eat out?** Shared kitchens live or die on this question.
7. **Who pays the utility bills, and how do we split them?**
8. **What's your smoking/vaping policy?** Inside, balcony, or never?
9. **What happens if someone loses their key at 3 AM?**
10. **Have you lived with flatmates before? What went wrong last time?**

The last question is the most revealing. Listen for blame vs self-awareness.

## Meet in person (or at least live video) before signing

Texting is deceiving. Thirty minutes of real conversation tells you more than a hundred messages. Watch for:
- Do they make eye contact?
- Do they answer the hard questions or deflect?
- Do they ask YOU questions, or just pitch themselves?

Good flatmates are curious about you too.

## The flat rules document

Before anyone moves in, write down:
- **Rent and bill splitting** (who pays what, by when)
- **Cleaning rota** (who cleans what, how often)
- **Guest policy** (how many nights per month is okay)
- **Quiet hours** (weeknights and weekends)
- **What's shared vs personal** in the kitchen
- **Notice period** if someone leaves

Everyone signs it. This isn't paranoia, it's peace of mind. If a conflict happens later, you refer to the doc, not to memory.

## Red flags to walk away from

- Refuses to answer financial questions
- Wants you to sign a lease without meeting
- Has been kicked out of a flat recently and won't say why
- Pressures you to decide today
- Vague about how utilities have been split previously

## Green flags to run toward

- Asks about your routine and preferences in detail
- Wants to meet for coffee or a proper call before committing
- Has a positive reference from a previous flatmate
- Is upfront about their own quirks (messy vs tidy, early vs late)
- Comfortable discussing money openly

A good flatmate is worth the extra week of searching. Don't settle just to move in fast.

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